Struggle
by Lovesic Lyrix
Summary: The words sting, leaving scars deep in your skin. The kind you can't see. But it doesn't mean they're not there. And you have a lot of them.


**The Outsiders belongs to S.E. Hinton.**

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One by one, the tears continue to fall. And they won't stop. But you don't want them to. You need this. You need some sort of release from this pain that's built up inside of you. You always bottle it up, over and over, until it suddenly spills over and you crash. Hard.

But you always, _always_ do it alone.

_You're shit! Nothin' but a mistake. Get out! No one wants ya here!_

The words sting, leaving scars deep in your skin. The kind you can't see. But it doesn't mean they're not there. And you have a lot of them.

_You cryin' boy? The hell is wrong with you! You're so weak! You'll never be my son!_

Most of the time you hide your vulnerability from the world. Tough greasers like you aren't supposed to cry. They aren't supposed to feel the way they do. What would the others think right now if they saw you like this?

They'd call you weak. Cause that's what you are. A piece of shit weakling that one wants. The world could care less if the old man killed you tomorrow. You're worthless to them anyway.

_I can't believe you's what came outa yer mother. Pretty sure she never loved ya much either. You're such a disappointment. Can't do nothin' right!_

Another sob escapes you. You always thought your mother was the only person that maybe gave a shit about you. But you guess you were wrong. Why would she care for you anymore than he did? She never did anything when he'd hurt you. Just give you a hug and a kiss and that was it.

Maybe she was just acting all those years because she pitied you. You were such a stupid kid back then. Before she died. Then you wised up to the truth. You probably missed all the signs.

You make yourself believe she never loved you, because it hurt more when you lost her thinking she did. You still hurt, though. Even if she didn't love you, you still had a special place for her in your heart.

_Bitch bitch bitch! That's all I hear outa you! Don't you ever got 'nything important or interestin' ta say!_

Nothing that he'd ever be interested in. Anything to do with you automatically disgusts him. You don't matter to him. You never did. You're the biggest disappointment of his life. He makes that clear almost every day. Might as well be to everyone else too.

Cause if he doesn't care, who would?

_Awh, Stevie, don't think like that! You know we're right down the street. You're always welcome to stay with us._

You'd forgotten about him. About them. He'd been your best friend since grade school. He always comforts you when you're upset. You try to hide it from him, but he always knows. Somehow, he always knows.

_What he says shouldn't matter any! You're just as much my brother as Darry and Pony, and I love you. So does the rest of the gang too! We couldn't get along without ya. Got it buddy?_

A small smile finds its way to your face. Just like it did the day he told you that. You notice the tears that wouldn't stop were now starting to slow down. Not completely stopping yet, but close.

Why is it that anytime you think of the things he says to you, you get a warm, tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach?

_Well that's easy! It's the feelin' ya get when you know someone cares._

The feeling you get when someone cares. But no one cares about you. You know that already. He told you so plenty of times.

_And I say he can go suck a big one!_

The smile grows a little. Maybe he's right. Maybe the things he says aren't always true. And you shouldn't always take everything he says to heart, because that's what he wants. He wants to hurt you. He wants to make you feel miserable for yourself.

For reasons you don't know, and probably never will, he hates you. _He_ thinks you're worthless and weak and a disappointment to the world. _He_ tells you you can't do anything right. That nobody else wants you around. _He_ says no one else cares.

But you realize now, _he's_ the only one. And you decide that from now on, nothing he says can hurt you anymore, because it's not true.

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**End Notes**

Just a little something different. Well, for me at least. There's probably other fics similar to it, but I rather like the idea of it anyway, so I wanted to share it with you.

Let me know what you think!


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